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I started out blogging to share the life of an Zimbabwean teen with other teenagers near me or even possibly around the world, because I felt that we don't get enough notice and I wanted to bring that out. But at the same time I had been lying to myself about what I'm doing with my life;
Over the past quarantines, I had been trying to do the best I can with online school, while starting this blog. I thought that this was it, that I could do it all be a successful teenager in a year filled with failure, loss and tragedy. The first few months were hard, I though that I could just keep the hurt in and get over it and turn a new leaf and move on. The world was spinning and months came by and I failed my mid-year exams. And of course I didn't want to talk about it, I never even told my friends about it. I was not in the excited mood that I was in when I came back home. It felt like I was in shit for life and no one could save me but myself but when I went back to school, things looked like they were back on track. and what do you know, I passed my exams. there was a weird turn in my result's though,
I passed all the sciences - but failed Math's...
Weird, huh.
We tried talking to the school about letting me repeat Math and write exams in June, but they wouldn't let me and gave me a subject combo which made as much sense as a snake going "bawk-bawk-b-kaw". Literature, Accounts and P.E.
I made the choice with my family to leave the school and go for a new one with people who saw that I have potential. My feelings became worse and worse and just when I start to thing positively, my mom starts talking about what my friends got for their exams ("Run Your Own Race" They said. - previous blog) and she never stopped. And I cannot tell her to stop because, it's rude to tell your parents that what they think they are dong to help you is actually hurting you.
I have been very hesitant to do school work, but cleaning the house, making my bed, cooking, I can do all of those. I don't know what it is, its not even like I have late assignments or anything, I just can't bring myself to do it without finding anything else to do in the house and this has been happening since July last year . But I am exhausted from running away from my problems. I am throwing away a chance to get myself back in the game knowing its in-front of me. I need to take my shot, no matter how high it is when the height scares me. This is CUTTER, and I think It's Time to Be Honest.
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